I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
