I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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