that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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