that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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