i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
