i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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