The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Randomize
