A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
