I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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