I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
