just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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