Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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