She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
barbara walters just said penis...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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