Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
