why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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