Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
