her vagine was all disorganized.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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