Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
