the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
