hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
