The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize