Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
