you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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