She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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