I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
