tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I looked at my own cervix.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
