i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
