On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Someone came in the potted fern
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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