did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize