Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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