she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
