The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
