There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
