Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
