Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
