I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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