I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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