Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
