Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
