Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize