his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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