Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
