I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
