I seem to have left my pride at pride
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
