I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
