so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
