So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
