I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
