bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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