she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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