Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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