1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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