you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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