I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
