Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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