if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
