I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize