He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
