This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
