Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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