apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
