I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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