I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
