Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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