is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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