I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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