just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
