God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize