I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
