Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
