good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
