I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
