My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
