WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
