I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
