At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
