This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The adults are the big ones right?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
