dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
