oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
