No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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