Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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