you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
