You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think your dad took our porno
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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