I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Randomize
