quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
