I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize