it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
