im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize